Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v Screamin’ Weans

JAMESY – 7/10 – What a shift on a Friday night from Jamesy, usually marked ‘Fish supper, maybe mair than wan…’ in his recently leaked diary. But then, so too are most other nights, strangely…He, like Arne, went for the ‘Boydy’ classic and sclaffed a sitter with his head. If it had been a league game the angst may have been greater as we can’t take the tension of another final-kick-of-the-season record breaker. But cups don’t count, so it was hilarious…There he was (probably hungry…) roving about with menace, being inventive, troublesome, cheeky – all over, very much like a Friday night on the town. Stay fit, Jamesy, you’re on fire.

KENNY JOHNNY – 5.5/10 – Like Luke, probably a missed opportunity. Unlucky not to score a cracker from a sweet Jamesy lay-off, but although his bearing and momentum were positive, his runs lacked timing and he didn’t gamble enough for a bhoy of his pace, which may have rewarded him. Must have been left frustrated.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 6.5/10 – Down South, or down the middle? As lower Prem obscurity tempts the suits with tourist league megabucks, Daizen finds his mojo again and rattles the Bairns with a scintillating first-half. That extra-lung hustle and a deft diving header stamped his value all over this one. World Cup is on the season’s horizon, Daizen. Don’t go losing your focus in a depraved London borough where the rats are big as horses, the smog cuts visibility to ten yards and a child-catcher circles the dim cobbled streets with his caged wagon.

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