Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Flippinheck v Celtic

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ FLIPPINHECK…

“You get in there, you get the job done and you get the hell out” – Tom Petty.

VINDALOO – 5/10 – As much expected, about the sum of zip times heehaw to do; but when he was called into action in a brief flurry, he looked a bit shaky, throwing misplaced punches like Gazza swinging after a bottle of white spirits.

MELLOW YELLOW – 5.5/10 – Clumsy at times, overhitting crosses, getting in the way. However, he was trusted enough to play out of position and gave it his best shot against their trickiest player.

TONY THE TIGER – 6.5/10 – The bold Tony sees no difference between village hillbillies or euro-sophisticats. He’ll give his all for the jersey and stuck out tonight as one of our better performers, setting up the first after a trademark overlap, might have scored himself with that proud sellik heid if the cross hadn’t been a fraction behind him. Solid shift from The Brickie.

GREAT – 5/10 – Not a lot for the big raw youth to compete with; most of his time spent following positional instruction, keeping the back door shut and concentrating on his passing.

RAQUEL – 6/10 – Who? Whit?! In a shock decision, the boss decides to recall and throw in the glamour to bedazzle the Shire Folk, utilising Raquel’s movie-star pedigree to let the bumpkins know the class of what they were up against. And this was a satisfactory return to the Hoops, notable for the quality of his passing. Is this new Raquel romance going to be a rekindled affair, or a ship passing in the night?

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CALMAC – 5/10 – The skipper looked a bit bored, to be honest. A functional outing, tuning his fitness and focus for the upcoming mega-matches. Wasn’t required to do much other than prompt and prod and make sure there were no aberrations.

SAINT BERNARDO – 5/10 – He, too, had the air of someone with better things to do. Sat pretty deep beside Calmac – maybe too much so. Forayed among their tight lines for a while as we pushed them back into a low block, but to no great avail.

HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 6/10 – Luke was Luke-ing good all first-half; our most inventive and at his useful sharp best. Expected he’d be the one to bury them after the break, but the wing-switch backfired and he couldn’t regain his swagger.

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BALIKMORY – 4.5/10 – Well, y’know… He was there, kind of, for his big startingopportunity. Congrats must be given on making it into the starting eleven after stowing-away in the kit hamper to get on the bus. Maybe if he’d not skied the sitter and found a bit of aggression to outwit his stifling markers in that number-10 position I’d have more to say than… Meh.

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Johnny Kenny speaks after scoring in @CelticFC‘s 2-0 win tonight 🍀

“It’s been a tough few weeks in front of goal… I’m delighted to put things right tonight and hopefully I can get back on a run” 🗣️#ScottishCup pic.twitter.com/ICMKMoZalE

— Premier Sports (@PremSportsTV) January 18, 2026

KENNY JOHNNY – 6/10 – What a touch he’s got… Flaming shocking until he notched that poacher’s poke. That boosted him a bit. Scored a fine second the MIBs contrived to rob him of, and generally managed to make himself a bit of a nuisance. Still never a Celtic centre-forward, though.

JAMESY – 7/10 MOTM – You can’t keep a good South Ayrshire Bhoy down – and you certainly can’t keep Jamesy down, right girls? – when there’s a scrap against one of the East Ayrshire villages of the damned. It’s said that half the weans in Auchinleck screech ‘Daddy!’ when Jamesy appears on the toon’s municipal ‘big telly’, mounted in the square beside the crucifixion gallows. And when he got on the ball tonight, Jamesy gave the menfolk as much trouble as he does their wimmen; he was right at it, leading them a merry dance as his team mates preened and pranced. Hail-hail the Prestwick Pele.

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SUBS –

OF JUSTICE – N/A – A stroll for Liam, pitched in there to antagonise the hardcore Zombies in the stands.

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Sebastian Tounekti with a stunner! 😲

Sensational strike from the Tunisian to double @CelticFC‘s lead 🍀#ScottishCup pic.twitter.com/g8yoXKbdq5

— Premier Sports (@PremSportsTV) January 18, 2026

TUTANKHAMUN – 6/10 – Well, that was a sizzler. Finally settling minor nervous issues as the clock ticked down on a narrow lead with a step-inside-my-parlour moment, losing a tired fullback and whipping a beauty across a despairing keeper to strike the knockout blow.

FEIN – N/A – Late on, big chance, fell over.

HAKUNA HATATE – N/A – They’d never seen a Japanese in the flesh before, so Martin indulged in some late show-and-tell with Reo and Shin.

NYLON -N/A – How does he do it? His – only? – outstanding attribute almost shines again in his sparse minutes on the park, denied yet another goal by a decent save.

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FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GANGEE – 6.5/10 – Load of changes for the start of a tough week. Nobody’s old fool, is the boss – wary of silicone-titty pitches and barbarian warriors from the nether-lands of civilisation he took a reasonably cautious approach replacing like-for-like with a couple of youngsters in to test their mettle, and ultimately got the job done.

MIBBERY – 5/10 – They’re now drawing lines from Johnny Kenny’s oversized heid in order to keep the score tight in a cup-tie, and blanking clear follow-through fouls in the box with raised studs because Jamesy’s getting crosses in. But, alas, the cigar box stayed shut. I revel in their anguish.

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OVERALL – 6/10 – Auchinleck, Ayrshire, a hole known worldwide since 1970 after Deliverance director John Boorman visited on a location-scouting and casting trip and left quickly, declaring in a telegram back to Hollywood: ‘Aesthetically gruesome beyond my imaginings. Will never achieve less than ‘XXX’ certification
if filming takes place there.’

Mercifully we were spared John’s horror. Deemed too pretty to expose the locals to, Celtic were re-directed to another midden – Rugger Park in the equally grim North Ayrshire Chernobyl twin-town of ‘Killie’. Or ‘Murderville’.

So we took on the evolutionally-challenged like men and, to be frank, got through a tedious mismatch with minimal fuss. It panned out like a training session of attack-v-defence for the most part, and credit to the organised Auchinleck rearguard for some sterling work that eclipsed many an SPL backline’s efforts.

My cup-romance sympathies end there, of course, and never really started since the good Zombies of Talbot unfurled Butcher’s Aprons before kick-off, declaring how much they treasured being part of Little England…

So, a low hurdle of sorts cleared without injury or upset and two major ones looming. Let’s shake off the ennui and get fired up with the energy – there’s season-defining contests ahoy!

Go Away Now

Sandman

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13 days left of this tranfer market and a cool £20m profit from the last 2 windows and still not even a sniff of a replacement for Kyogo sold 356 days ago.

We’re not just throwing the legaue away, we’re setting ourselves up to finish 3rd @CelticFC and nobodys even surprised. pic.twitter.com/vnIradAAqj

— The Clover (@TheClover_67) January 18, 2026

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Martin O’Neill spoke to the match broadcaster Premier Sports following Celtic’s turgid 2-0 victory over Auchinleck Talbot last night….

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Martin O’Neill provides an update on where Celtic stand with their transfer business 🍀

“We are making some progress and hopefully we will get the players in before the end of the season” 😅#ScottishCup pic.twitter.com/DxssXNMFkF

— Premier Sports (@PremSportsTV) January 18, 2026

After that he spoke to the mainstream media. Here is everything that was said at the Celtic manager’s post match media conference…

Q: Martin, what did you make of your team’s performance?

Martin O’Neill: “Well, we weren’t fantastic. We never seemed to be comfortable enough with a lot of possession. We weren’t able to break the team down often enough, and when we did create some chances, we missed them. But, obviously, delighted with the win and it’s the start of a big week for us.”

Q: You obviously made 10 changes. What were your thoughts behind that? Do you think that contributed to the team lacking a spark?

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Martin O’Neill: “I’m sure of it, yeah. I probably wasn’t really surprised about it. But there were a couple of things about it. One, I wanted to change the side around because there were a couple of players that had not played under me at this time that I’d like to have seen, and I did do. And I think making changes like that there does disrupt the flow of things. So we saw that one through, and it was good. And, obviously, the preparation at the start of the week ahead.”

Q: You may be looking for a bit more from the guys who came in and played under you for the first time today?

Martin O’Neill:“Well, I think players, when they feel this is an opportunity for them to play, can get a little bit nervous about things. So, I probably wasn’t surprised by what I’d seen. And we, as a team, could do a lot better. But we saw it through. Well, we saw it through in the sense that we had a lot of possession in the game. And the second goal obviously finishes it.”

Q: Michel-Ange Balikwisha made his first start since September. How do you reflect on his performance?

Martin O’Neill: “He did okay. He did alright in the game, yes. He was striving for a start for quite some considerable time, so he got it. And I know Paulo Bernardo played under Wilfried Nancy a couple of times. It was his first start under me as well. So, at least Paulo got the 90 minutes, and Balikwisha got most of the game.”

Q: Martin, what was your view on your opponents today?

Martin O’Neill: “I thought they did great. They did really, really great. We’d watched them before. It’s the lovely thing about modernity now, you are able to see opposition. And they play with a lot of spirit. A lot of spirit. The manager’s done wonderfully well. He’s been here since my first spell, apparently, way back! So, they played with a lot of spirit. I think they acquitted themselves really, really well, considering they’re a junior side.”

Q: You mentioned it was a big week, Martin. Was it also a big week off the field for the team in order to get recruitment in?

Martin O’Neill: “Yes, it is, that is exactly right.”

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Q: How much more confident do you feel after we spoke to you at Lennoxtown?

Martin O’Neill: “Yeah, but I said to you I would tell you at the next press conference, after this one!”

Q: You want to enlighten the fans?

Martin O’Neill:“Oh, they’re enlightening the fans. As if you’d really care about the fans! Yeah, we are very, very hopeful that we will get some people in.”

Q: Are you expecting anyone in before Hearts at the weekend?

Martin O’Neill: “We are very hopeful that we’ll get some people in, young man. Nice to see you. Gosh, I wish I’d get the old gang back. The lads who used to argue with me all the time. I want them back. Please, get them back.”

Q: Sorry to disappoint you.

Martin O’Neill: “No, you’re not disappointing me, young man. Not at all. You’re better looking than most of them anyway! Oh, they were some ugly boys. Honestly, I used to dread the Friday mornings. Just looking down. Mind you, I’m no oil painting myself. There we go.”

Q: We saw you at Motherwell yesterday. Was that a scouting mission?

Martin O’Neill: “That was a football mission. That’s part of my job, to look at the games, if I can get an opportunity. We did it after training.”

Q: Did anyone in particular impress you in that game? There’s a name that’s been mentioned a few times in connection with Celtic. Was there one in particular standing out?

Martin O’Neill: “I enjoyed the game. You lads, honestly. You’re testing me to the utmost.”

Q: Are you actively looking at the Scottish market?

Martin O’Neill: “I was asked that question last week. I think absolutely there are players here. There’s no doubt at all about it. There are players here that are capable of playing at a higher level. But it’s only my opinion.”

Q: Lots has been made of the striker situation but is there an obvious need for more guile as well?

Martin O’Neill: “Brilliant. Absolutely.”

Q: Is that a yes?

Martin O’Neill: “Brilliant.”

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🤞 “Hopeful” of new arrivals
🔎 “Mission” to watch Motherwell
🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 Looking at the Scottish market?
😂 “You lads are testing me”

Celtic manager Martin O’Neill provides a transfer update after beating Auchinleck Talbot to advance to the last-16 of the Scottish Cup ⤵️ pic.twitter.com/RwgnF6mFHR

— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) January 18, 2026

Celtic were drawn at home against Dundee in the fifth round of the Scottish Cup, with the draw taking place at Rugby Park last night.

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Martin O’Neill provides an update on where Celtic stand with their transfer business 🍀

“We are making some progress and hopefully we will get the players in before the end of the season” 😅#ScottishCup pic.twitter.com/DxssXNMFkF

— Premier Sports (@PremSportsTV) January 18, 2026

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