Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Star-Spangled Spangles

FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GANGEE – 8/10 – Not the crushing derby debut #2 we longed for. But still a rousing performance in many ways as MON demanded “‘Mon tae…” and the Bhoys delivered. Well, half-delivered. He must have been delighted with the dominant first 45 and equally bemused by the fade after the interval. Then probably delighted again with the extra-time euthanising of the restless undead…So it really did appear to be a triumph of personality over planning, with the emotions running high, and Sean offering the calming exhortations prior to the extra period. Yet it worked, and after a season to date of slap-dash application, platitudes and internal strife, it’s good to have a leadership to be able to rally around with some enthusiasm.

MIBBERY – 6.5/10 – Ooh, they’re a controversial bunch. Evening-up errors in real-time and still managing to gift the Zombies their standard bewildering penalty to try and save their skins in the dying minutes. Even Tony falling like Ellen Ripley into the furnace at the end of ‘Alien 3’ couldn’t match the Oscar winning straight face Little Nick kept when pointing to the spot and listening to VAR crazily try to justify it in his ear-piece through heavy breathing and strained tones as they reached the vinegar strokes: “...Heee ff-ffinnn’ m-meannnnnt iiiiittt…” Might have thought they had it in for us after that penalty, after also inventing an ‘offside’ against Daizen to cancel the poisonous Hobbit’s o.g, booking everyone in Hoops plus the entire front three rows of the Celtic End, and ignoring the attempted maiming of Johnny Larsson…

…But then again, punishing the actual maiming of Tony and excusing big Austin’s attempted beheading of Buttman. They truly are bizarre entities.

Two of the worst calls in the game btw, but not a peep in the media…. pic.twitter.com/pREETLBF2y

— JustAnOrdinaryBhoy (@ordinarybhoy) November 3, 2025

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