Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Star-Spangled Spangles

SUBS –

KATIE – 6.5/10 – The mhan for the moment – the moment being deep into extra-time and the desperate requirement for KT and those powerful thighs (steady ladies) to run The Zombies into the dirt. That he did, providing a barnstorming finale with the sizzling assist for our third.

JAMESY – 7.5/10 – It was Halloween party night in Prestwick and Jamesy was out dazzling the lassies with his usual ‘Human Banana’ guise. “Eh? But ye’ve no’ got a costume on.” Zzzzziiippp…And today he kept up that quite sensational output, giving Satan’s Spawn a traditional Prestwick Pele runaround. Deserved more than one assist for his creative endeavours, and only the Black Goat Himself knows what sort of flaming juju that cursed crossbar was spellbound by, to prevent The Flash flashing in one himself. Marvellous marauding, Jamesy.

HAKUNA HATATE – 5.5/10 – Reo looked a bit lost, and had us a bit worried as he took time to settle into the game. Certainly gave them more encouragement than anticipated but he got it together eventually, despite skying a sitter to ramp up the anxiety.

DONNY – 7/10 – Ah, I reckoned this kid had something about him from the Falkirk cameo. And there’s pace and awareness there, even with the irony of all the summer buzz about his finishing ability running into a rock-face of reality when he fluffed his lines and blew the chance to nick a winner in normal time. But, unfazed by the grotesqueries bawling at him from half of the stadium, his dreams came true when he made amends by pouncing on KT’s excellent low ball to finish off the rabid beasts.

Suddenly, we have a potent striker. #2

BALIKMORY – N/A – Ten minutes of anonymity.

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