Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Star-Spangled Spangles

KENNY JOHNNY – 7.5/10 – Kenny LARSSON, I think you’ll find, Martin… What a difference a week and a new manager makes. From the shopping bag blowing about a wet Edinburgh car park to the rapier bursting the Zombie bawbags in a Glasgow amphitheatre. Might have had a hat-trick but for the Butt-man (see what I did there, fuming Zombie fans of alliteration and porno/superheroes?). Yet the goal he did score was the best header I’ve seen in a while: marvellous leap and twist – Henrik-esque indeed – to whip Arne’s peach of a corner into the roof of the net. Extra half-point for giving it large to the fizzing ugly end while celebrating. Took a sore one early on which hampered him after a while, but not before he’d been popping up to give their backline a torrid time.

Suddenly, we have a potent striker. #1

LORD KATSUMOTO – 8/10 – Daizen is BACK! And you better believe it, silly-billy-boys. I commented on his warm-up antics some 20 minutes prior to k-o; all enthusiasm and electric energy. And when the game began, the real slim shady did stand up – dynamic Daizen returned with the incessant press and the sleek slicked-back hairstyle like it was cultivated in a wind-tunnel; Then you remember Daizen IS the wind…Fantastic application to the cause – too much in some moments, as he reached for his concealed samurai sword to decapitate Arseguard for neutering Tony. But what a thrill to see the player of last season re-emerge from his stupor and terrorise the Zombie Nation as only Daizen can. Will he maintain this renewal? Will he stay for the season, taking the option of no upheaval and regular football on account of Japan’s World Cup participation next summer?

If Santa’s listening…

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