Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Star-Spangled Spangles

THE TERMINATOR – 7/10 – “Come with me if you want to live,” said Kyle Reese to Sarah Connor in The Terminator. And our Arne whispers it to Calmac as the torrid pace of the game thrashes around them…It may be a deeper role than he likes but he’s stillcapable of making forward bursts and delivering sweet balls into dangerous areas; as per our opener. Those deliveries faded with his energies this afternoon but he too made it through the 120, carrying a card for over an hour, refusing to hide, maintaining good positional discipline to get our shape back and hold the win.

NYLON – 5.5/10 – Ach, he’s maybe got to make more of those percentages count – getting himself into the right spaces, but fluffing his lines. Was central to some neat interactions and opportunity manufacture early today, but disappeared when we required his positive presence to thwart the Zombies’ resurgence.

TUTANKHAMUN – 5.5/10 – Good grief, make up your mind – Tunisian Mikey J or Tunisian Jinky J? Former furrowed our brows this afternoon as he failed with consistency to produce a final ball. Looked promising plenty of times, yes, but failed to ice the rack with almost every opening, leaving us bereft of killer goals and groaning like a blue-balled fluffer at a Jamesy ‘Pleasure Squad’ party.

Continues on the next page…