Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Celtic v The Star-Spangled Spangles

OF JUSTICE – 9/10 MOTM – Magnificent. Cry harder, you silly haters. What a powerhouse of a defensive performance, that in certain moments threatened to implode. But through sheer resilience and footballing wits, the Ginger Baresi managed to hold it together; incredible aerial dominance and precise positioning to aid his defensive partner whose lack of match-fitness was taking a toll. The Barndarigg Beckenbauer moments were uplifting, bursting the Zombie lines with attacking intent so often reined in this season. But the gilded highlight was the Carrot-top Cananvaro’s incredible recovery run and all-or-nothing suicidal slide to stop a certainty, picking it off the cloven hoof of his opponent with machine-tooled precision and the timing of an atomic clock.

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 8/10 – Well, the big Yank’s beginning to win over past doubters. Written-off by many – even the manager who signed him, it seemed… – he’s in the hot-spot by default but thriving and making the best of every minute. Lack of sharpness was evident and troublesome at times. But he’s playing maxed-out while he tries to get to the levels required, and did a goddamn fine job of it, kid, as they say in them parts he hails from… Aided and abetted by Liam, their partnership was robust enough to thwart the pressure we felt as the midfield wilted after half-time. When they lapsed, Kasper was there to play his part in the holy hooped trinity. Kudos for playing to the end after collapsing and receiving treatment. Hobbling about Hampden for ten mentally and physically exhausting minutes at the end of extra-time must have been a torment while still carrying the injury sustained from trying to kick Buttman’s bobbly heid off…

CALMAC – 8.5/10 – It’s been a while since the Zombies got the virtuoso treatment from the skipper but this was harking back to recent glory days for the most part. Once more with a minder close-by, we got to see the skipper’s creativity and command unleashed. Conducted the orchestra for the first-half, in which we should have killed the DOBs off. Lost his grip – and ours, overall – on the game for scrappy chaotic periods after the break. But by the time karma had decided who was getting fisted today, Calmac was motoring again, and how – foot like a traction engine to disintegrate Buttman’s fingertips and scatter the Mount Florida end towards their cattle trucks. He’ll feel solidly back in his groove after this one. Keep that personal security in beside him and we’ve a chance of burning brightly through the rest of this season.

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