Sandman’s Definitive Ratings – Arab Strap v Celtic

SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC @ ARAB STRAP…

“Half effort does not produce half results. It produces NO result. Work, continuous work and hard work, is the only
way to accomplish results that last.” – John Soforic

THE FRIENDLY GHOST – 6.5/10 MOTM – You traditionally ask your Celtic keeper to do one thing – make the big saves in big moments. In this modern age, there’s a secondary requirement not so straightforward; being a sweeper and an instigator. First one, Kasper showed his class – fine saves that should have won us the match. Second, if there’s naysayers let them check the stats – a couple of strays amid a real conundrum for a member of the team not naturally outfield oriented. He’s had his difficulty curve steepened by the loss of a central defender. We’re now often asking a 39 year-old net-minder to thread needles most of our midfielders would shy at. Under these conditions, this current demand, I thought he acquitted himself well.

KATIE – 4/10 – Much like Hampden, a power of good all the opening spell. But the batteries run down faster these days and his influence was drowned in the half-time Cullen Skink.

TONY THE TIGER – 5/10 – Another who deserves a pass purely because you know there’s no way Tony was chucking it like some. Had a right battle on his hands with a tricky, wiry, Somalian winger which he handled manfully.

CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 5.5/10 – “I think we’re alone now,” sang the Christmas ghost of Tiffany into the big mhan’s ear. No Liam over his shoulder, just empty grass to Tony or KT. But the ethereal presence of his favourite irritating 80s popster emboldened the stoic American enough that he too managed a praiseworthy effort, getting stuck in; doing his best to stem the tide. One of the few.

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HIGHLAND TOFFEE – 2/10 – No, Luke. Luke, you can’t keep fading like that. If you want the hooped jersey, maintain the swashbuckling attitude and belief. Don’t flatter to deceive and lose yourself in the fury when the game gets tousy.

CALMAC – 3/10 – Front us up, skipper – what’s the score? Throwing away leads that should have been a foundation for a pumping of the home side is one thing; can happen in football. But not the way we’ve done it. Expectations were the captain would simply command a complete comprehensive victory after taking the leap and piling on them. But no – he lost control, we lost control and the shambles ensued.

SAINT BERNARDO – 6/10 – To be honest, this was shaping up like a Paulo MOTM shift before he was hooked. He brought one startlingly obvious contribution to the title-scrap table we’ve been missing recently – midfield stability. Looked composed and picked a few choice passes. But once he’d picked up the booking he was blunted a tad. However, ultimately probably the only bright spot as the night ended in a cloak of depressive dark.

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HAKUNA HATATE – 2/10 – Reo? Reo? Beuller? Beuller?… One of those ‘never got started’ nights. Very poor timing.

LORD KATSUMOTO – 5.5/10 – You can always rely on Daizen. Mostly. Whether that’s to score, lay on chances or smack the post from bawhair distance… But you can still rely on him. Others, take note.

KENNY JOHNNY – 1/10 – Nope.

YING – 2/10 – He was there for a while, I’m sure. Drifted inside, showed some fancy footwork. Then the game started.

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SUBS –

JAMESY – N/A – Almost a saviour, whipping in the cross of the night only to see no-takers, then got so annoyed by it he ended up knocking the ball out of play to waste time for United.

FEIN – 4/10 – Ooft, he’d have been a hero if he’d cracked in any of those chances. But he didn’t, and instead of hailing a new Eastern saviour we’re bemoaning a lack of deadly finishers. However, give him some more game-time. There may be something there; looked swift and alert.

OF JUSTICE – N/A – Liam came on, confused. Then got shouted at by the stands, and remembered where he was.

THE TERMINATOR – N/A – Worse delivery than DPD, and that’s not a Jamesy speciality I’m talking about.

NEGAN – N/A – Desperation had set in.

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LIONEL RICHIE – 5/10 – Well, isn’t this a novelty? 4 in a row. And a flaming puzzle. So we got a squad of redacts in the crowd soiling the airways with Green Zombie abuse and vitriol while the bewildered (Bewilifred…) Frenchman stood in the Dundonian murk trying to work out when the Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang childsnatcher had kidnapped
his first-half team. And good luck with that, because any casual saunter down Dundee High Street will present you with any number of culprits to fit the role…So his system is phish, right? Right? Well… We should have been 5 or 6 up with it by half-time. So…

I’m leaning sympathetic here because the Laze-E-Boy Ancellotis will be all over him with their PC Football Manager-based coruscating annihilation of his entire work. All was rosy as the Dundee Cake was getting scoffed. Then, like Sunday, came the second period and…absolute desolation. A vacuum of demonstrable tactics or, troubling, desire and application of instruction.

A night-and day, Jekyll and Hyde, monumental heid-scratcher of a situation. He’s got his work cut out. If he’s still got any to go to once the flaming baboons howl some more.

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MIBBERY – 5/10 – Yes, it was offside. And no, these rascals weren’t even at it – which is all the more galling – because we’ve seen it happen across many games this season in particular; all ‘phases-of-play’ bollocks, etc. So, even worse, Johnny B and the Loyalist Away Firm got an easy ride to a  Celtic defeat under their supervision. Xmas come early.

OVERALL – 3/10 – Utter bemusement. What did we just witness? Celtic coasting to a win with a despondent United staring down the barrel awaiting the trigger pulled. If only we had a trigger-happy gaucho up front, it’d be goal-difference nullified and the Diets well in range. Then, in a quantum-shift more disturbing than a rainy Dundee street drain encounter with city mascot, Pennywise The Clown, Celtic disappeared into the sewers during a second-half so profoundly inept I began to wonder if we’d swapped jerseys during the break with eleven Xmas raffle winners.

Like Sunday – as soon as the opposition ramped up the intensity and pressure and aggression and energy, we basically just pussied-out like a bunch of, well, pussies…Incredibly strange to watch a Celtic side bend-over like guests playing ‘leapfrog’ at an Elton John 70s soiree and get pumped, just like guests playing leapfrog at…

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🍀 “How much short-term damage can they accept?”

David Friel from the Scottish Sun assesses Wilfried Nancy’s dismal start as Celtic manager ⤵️ pic.twitter.com/NLXTneXgu4

— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) December 18, 2025

…Anyway, my contention is this – the players are a big part of the issue; they either don’t have the balls for the job, or the willingness to apply themselves fully to the manager’s ideology or see any value in it; They’re training every day under WF’s oversight and presumably to his instruction.

I don’t think it’s the former, not after the first 45 tonight. So the latter? Do they not have the belief or conviction to see it through? That would be a big problem, not just for him but the club in general. We’ve just witnessed dubious fan-power shake up the executive with no substantial solutions to the protested problems ever proposed.

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🗣️ “We had chances to kill the game many times”
🗣️ “Difficult for the club, my players, myself”
🗣️ “Today we deserved better”
🗣️ “If I look at the performance, we’re getting there”

A 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝘁-𝘄𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 as Wilfried Nancy reflects on Celtic’s defeat at Dundee Utd ⤵️ pic.twitter.com/vAR33t5XWy

— Sky Sports Scotland (@ScotlandSky) December 18, 2025

Now it’s player-power threatening the coaching positions? To what outcome? MON returning? Do we stop-gap forever? Or do we seek another coach like Big Ange – non-nonsense growler with a whip to make these players perform when HE wants, and not upon their whim? But if the board’s not fit for purpose, who’s doing the new hiring? It’ll have to be me at this rate.

Currently, these are Zombie-levels of deterioration to an all-encompassing state, and many people in and around the club need to get a flaming grip, focus, and move towards a unified goal instead of revelling in division and discordance.

Go Away Now

Sandman

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